I want to have your abortion
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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