I hate your face
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
