i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
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No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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