I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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