sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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