I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
