im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
