sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
