I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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