32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
