hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
