Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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