We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
