Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
