So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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