I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
