What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
