HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
