Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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