So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
