Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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