That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
