i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
