some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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