dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
