i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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