i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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