Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
