Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
