My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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