I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
