Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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