If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
