How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize