Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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