Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
