I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
