Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
