and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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