I wish my penis had an off switch
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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