Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
