you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
