I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
