Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
