I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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