you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
