We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
