guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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