I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
