youre lurking in front of me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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