Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
