She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
be right there i have to get my cape
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
