I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
This house was built for laser tag.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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