this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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