So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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