I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
