I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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