She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
