there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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