i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
