I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
