Soap is not a condiment
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
