Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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