Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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