thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
