Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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