Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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